outstanding

It was the evening of Jenna's big birthday celebration. All the presents were opened and all of the people were gone. It was just the four of us sitting at the kitchen table and in Alex's conversation with Tyler, he used the word, "Outstanding." Tyler then tried to say it and Alex helped him practice until Tyler got it right.

That word struck a chord with me. I thought back to that day in December when my Dad lay in his hospital bed struggling to survive and I told him that the baby growing inside me was a little girl. I couldn't understand my dad's response, so I gently lifted his oxygen mask and he mustered his strength and forced out a booming "OUTSTANDING!"

I looked over at this amazing and beautiful one-year-old girl and was flooded with sadness that my father never got to meet her, which I know that he wanted to so badly. My eyes filled with tears and I couldn't contain the sobs that rolled out of me.

Tyler became alarmed. I told him it was ok, that Mommy was sad because she missed Grampy so much. And then Tyler rubbed my arm and consoled me, "It will be ok Mommy. It's ok. You will see Grampy tomorrow." It was bittersweet because I was so sad, but Tyler's compassion was soothing and warmed my heart.

Tyler was also right. I dreamed the next morning of my Dad. In my dream I walked to my boss's office, but in his place was my Dad decked out in his academic regalia. It was nice to see him again.